The Journey Begins

A single event in Mary Ann Nation’s life dashed her hope for the long and happy retirement she and her husband, Harlan, had planned. Instead, the dream of relaxing and travelling that is held by so many of us slipped away from her, and arguments with the hotel desk clerk over a room-service charge were replaced by pleas to the utility company to keep the electricity on.

Who among us can not relate to Mary Ann —- that mother, wife, sister, daughter—struggling to do the right thing, the honorable thing, for her husband?

Do you worry as we do that Mary Ann will reach the point where she is so financially, physically and emotionally exhausted that she can no longer function? The frightening thing about Mary Ann’s story is that it is not unique -- it’s not even unusual. And it can happen to any one of us.

TAKING THE FIRST STEPS

In the case of Mary Ann and Harlan Nation, their caregiving situation came upon them suddenly. This is common when your loved one has a stroke, heart attack, or serious accident. However, in many cases, caregiving seems to creep up on the caregiver.

Regardless of your situation, preparing for the eventuality that you will be a caregiver will make all the difference in the world. Take stock of your situation and that of your loved one. For instance, are your loved ones within a reasonable driving distance? If not, although the basic issues remain the same, you will experience and need to plan for the complications wrought by being far from each other. Other factors to consider are the size of your family, their reaction to you being a caregiver, or to the thought that they might also become caregivers.

Other details are also important. You’ll need to think about your parent’s or loved one’s medical and financial situation, as well as your own. PLEASE BE CERTAIN TO PLAN FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH AND WELL-BEING AS A CAREGIVER, as well as for the health of your loved ones!

There is no easy way to do this, but if you and your loved ones are going to live comfortably in the inevitable caregiving relationship, you need to prepare and you must have answers to some basic questions. The form “Is Your Loved One’s Personal Information in Order?” is a model to use for recording critical information about your loved ones. This is a good first step, and it also can be used to trigger conversations about the future.

As for the conversations, speak gently. Honestly invite your loved ones’ input, and remember that everyone might be feeling terribly vulnerable during this conversation.